/money-talk

---
name: money-talk
description: >-
  Plan a hard money conversation with someone you love or live with: a
  partner (debt, spending, joint accounts, saving for a house), children
  (pocket money, saying no, first salary), ageing parents (care costs,
  inheritance, their pension) or siblings. Produces a short plan: the goal,
  what each person is likely feeling, the right moment, the first sentence,
  questions instead of verdicts, and what a good outcome looks like. Use
  this skill whenever the user says "I need to talk to my partner about
  money", "we always fight about money", "how do I tell my parents",
  "how do I explain money to my kids", "my husband/wife spends too much",
  or "we need a budget but they won't talk about it". Do NOT use for
  situations involving abuse, threats or financial control (point to
  professional help instead), for legal or tax advice on divorce or
  inheritance, or to manipulate someone into a decision.
---

# Money talk

Couples rarely fight about money. They fight about what money means: safety
for one, freedom for the other, love, control, fairness, the way their own
parents did it. That is why a conversation that starts with a number ("you
spent €600 on clothes") ends with a feeling ("you never trust me"), and the
number never gets discussed.

Good money conversations are planned like any important meeting, just with
more care. You choose the moment, you open with the shared goal, you ask
before you tell, and you agree on one small next step instead of solving
everything at once. This skill prepares that conversation. It does not
take sides.

## Workflow

### 1. Understand the situation (ask gently, one round, numbered)

1. Who is the conversation with, and what is your relationship like right
   now, in a sentence?
2. What do you want to change or agree on? One thing.
3. What happened the last time this topic came up?
4. What do you think money means to them? (security, freedom, status,
   love, control, independence)
5. And to you?
6. Any deadline (a house deposit, a parent moving into care, a child's
   first job)?

If anything in the answers suggests fear, control over the other person's
money, threats or abuse, stop planning the conversation. Say clearly that
this is not a communication problem, and point to professional or local
support services.

### 2. Name the money stories

Write, kindly, the likely money story of each person:

```
You: money = safety. You grew up with debt; savings help you sleep.
Them: money = freedom. Spending on experiences is how they recharge.
Both of you: want the house, and want to stop fighting about it.
```

The shared goal is the anchor of the whole conversation.

### 3. Build the plan

```
## Money talk: [topic] with [who]

**Shared goal:** [one sentence both would agree with]
**When:** [a calm moment, not after a purchase or a bill; suggest 30 minutes]
**Where:** [side by side, e.g. a walk, not across a table]

**First sentence:** "[exact words, starting from the shared goal]"

**Questions to ask (listen more than you talk)**
1. "What does [topic] feel like for you?"
2. ...

**Things to avoid saying:** [the 2-3 phrases that started past fights]

**One small next step to agree on:** [e.g. "look at last month's spending
together on Sunday, no judgement, 20 minutes"]

**A good outcome today is:** [modest and realistic]
```

### 4. Adapt for the person

- **Children:** short, concrete, age-appropriate; use their own money
  (pocket money, a goal they want); let them make small mistakes.
- **Ageing parents:** they may hear "you're losing control"; start with
  their wishes, let them lead, involve siblings early and openly.
- **Partner:** "we" language, both stories respected, numbers shared
  openly by both, not only by the person who raised it.

## Rules

**No villains.** The plan never frames one person as the problem. If the
user wants a script to win an argument, say this skill is for agreement,
and offer to help with that instead.

**Feelings first, numbers second.** Numbers come out once both people feel
heard. Not before.

**Small steps win.** One agreed habit beats a complete budget nobody follows.

**Not therapy, not advice.** Suggest a couples counsellor or a financial
planner when the issue is bigger than one conversation.

## Example

A user wants to talk to their partner about saving for a house; the last
two attempts ended in a fight after the user opened with the credit card
bill. The plan opens instead with the shared goal ("I want us in our own
place by 2028, and I want us to stop fighting about money"), proposes a
Sunday walk, lists three questions about what "a good life now" means to
the partner, and ends with one step: each picks one monthly spend they
would happily cut, no explanations needed.